I am a superstitious woman. So superstitious, in fact, that I flat out refused to wear the beautiful jacket I received for Christmas two years ago for the entirety of last winter. The reason is slightly embarrassing, but I finally feel the need to come clean and this feels like as good an outlet as any. The thing is, the winter-spring of 2007-08 was the absolute worst time of my life, and somehow putting on the jacket I wore so frequently during that period just seemed wrong. Though I never openly acknowledged it, I think I feared that wearing the coat would bring bad luck. That and it just reminded me of how consistently awful I felt for 5+ months.
I am happy report, however, that since that time my life has progressively improved. Slowly, I regained the confidence (and sanity!) I lost while employed in an absolutely terrible work place, and, tentatively at first, I began to re-introduce the jacket into my life.
Then, while fishing through the pockets the other day, I came across my old iPod - something I thought I had lost a long time ago!! I have to admit I was a little scared to listen to it - this record of what I was listening to while going through sheer hell. Yet today I finally worked up the courage and plugged in my headphones. Turns out, I was listening to quite a bit of Amy Winehouse at the time, as well as retro '90s and Coldplay. Usually nothing brings back memories like music, but somehow I managed to say relatively composed for the first half hour or so. Then, the song "High Hopes" by Frank Sinatra came on, and I completely broke down. I remembered putting it on the iPod at the time as a source of comfort; it's a song that reminds me of childhood, and contains a comforting message that I hoped would make me feel better.
Anyway, I'm glad I made myself listen. All in all it was an extremely cathartic experience. Painful, yes. But also necessary, in order to attain the last bit of closure I needed to put that time behind me.
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